The holidays are upon us! I know this not by the visits to malls or the street decorations but rather the arrival of our first Christmas card. I was a bit surprised, miffed and excited. Although, I am nearly finished with my holiday shopping, (online shopping rocks!) I usually have already finished our Christmas newsletter, printed the labels and begin the process of mailing the letters. In the past this was driven by my insane perfectionist qualities. The funny thing is I love sending the cards usually. I love sharing with friends who we haven’t talked to in a while the events of our year. So, I decided to take a time out and consider why I avoidance had crept into a usually satisfying accomplishment. The answer? Apathy. This year has been rather mundane and mediocre. It has had but 1 high and the rest not lows but non-starters.

I’ve often felt that throughout my life I have been exceptionally lucky. Happiness has never been far away and my life has been terribly balanced. I have experienced no tragedies, no great losses or major upheavals. My life is just what it is. I have had successes and accomplishments, none coming too quick and none that I haven’t worked towards as a particular goal. Like so many others I do feel that I have something more in me, something more profound and fulfilling. But I also fear this radical desire for greatness. Friends of mine who have such peaks often have such lows too and sadly reflecting upon my own life it pales in comparison. To often I don’t know what I am seeking…I have imaginations and tangible goals, which I think will help to bring this “something” closer but it is elusive.

I find myself escaping into thoughts of writing, writing my book. And although, I write stories in my head daily, I just don’t seem to make the connection to paper. Every year I explore and imagine and wish that this year I will start in earnest on my book. I fictionalize the story surrounding the writing itself. I have a solid foundation but my character like her muse remains unfinished, a yet ill-conceived vision.

So, with the quickly approaching Christmas festivities and news from far away friends I look forward to 2006, with hope and aspiration. On Christmas Eve when we sit to open the cards from our friends I will be nurturing the fearful excited great character inside to do more and reach for the unexpected.

Flurry of Posts

Have you noticed my naughtiness yet? Not sure what I’m talking about? Well if you hadn’t already noticed…multiple posts tend to appear at once. I have found that I am not as disciplined at posting everyday but it’s often not because I don’t have thoughts or words to convey. No, rather it’s laziness and also not wanting to see the blog as a chore.

So, if you happen to visit and notice a bunch of new posts that weren’t there the day before now you know why.

Emotions Holding Me Back

We had a home visit from 2 little sisters today, very cute tabby cats. We have been discussing getting Fatty a new companion for nearly a year now. And yesterday they were here visiting with us. They are ours if we want them in a week. They still need to get their shots and be spayed.

I have mixed feelings about having more cats. I really enjoyed them yesterday and they definitely seem spirited. And yet at the same time I am not entirely sure I want other cats running around. Fatty seems somewhat contented to be the center of attention and he is now more or less trained. The idea of taking on new kitties, well I just don’t know.

I know much of my hesitation is due in part to Madam passing away last year. She was very much my kitty, my baby if you will and I took it rather hard. I still miss her. Although, I know we will never replace her I still find myself yearning for her personality. I had thought of getting another pedigree cat but the expense is a bit prohibitive. And last week when I responded to the ad I decided that it should be about Fatty having some friends around, not about my silly insecurities. I suppose I am being more selective, snotty if you will but I wish I wasn’t.

Our minds are pretty made up. BozoBoy is game for just about any new critters. I know this is the right thing to do and it will just take time to adjust to the change. Even I am disturbed by my ambivalence. Should I take them or should I maintain the status quo? I have a week to decide…

1 Routine I Can’t Master

I started the week off so promising. I don’t know what it is about when I have days off…I just do not get on the treadmill. I desperately want to lose about 15 pounds. Frankly, I would be happy to lose 20-25 but I will settle for any loss at the moment. I have been working to get consistent on the treadmill we bought in September and I just haven’t yet been successful. I am very tired of carrying around this carry-on luggage. It’s not a lot but it is just enough to make my clothes uncomfortable and me to not entirely feel myself. Granted I’ve had this extra weight now for more than a few years. After I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism that’s when I started storing extra fat cells. I don’t diet because food is not my problem. I need more regular exercise this I know…but when will I get my routine down and when will I see results. We are planning a trip in Feb to the Caribbean and I would really like to lose a few pounds before that. Let’s hope I can get it together and at least get on the treadmill more than 2x a week. It’s funny, Ms. Anal just can’t get this routine down.

It’s Really Happening

Today, we met to discuss the telecommuting program and review the equipment we will be supplied. I was surprised when I saw that not only were we being given a laptop but they were throwing in flat screen monitor, laserjet printer, and a wireless keyboard and mouse. WOW. I suppose they are really commuted to this project. One department has already started and in 2 weeks we will begin too. I am not sure I will take all the equipment yet. I like my mac and rally only suffer the PC at work. We shall see…but to get to my machine at work, I will need to use the laptop.

I have to say after reviewing the schedule and realizing how little I would actually be in the office I decided that this would help ease some of the stress I have been under lately. Having worked from home before I know I am far more productive and far happier. Of course, I don’t think this has changed my mind about leaving, but it does make it a bit more tolerable. The schedule for December is crazy, it is swayed so much in my favor because of the holidays. But I was very happy when I saw it.

Everything now seems to be a wait and see…wait and see how working from home goes…wait and see if any more interesting opportunities present themselves…what and see what the new year holds.

I am starting to get excited, for what I haven’t a clue, I just have a feeling…something good is only around the next corner.

Turning a Corner

Well I did it! I sent my resume for a job, the first time in nearly 3 years. It was quite an endeavor. I haven’t really looked at my resume in some time and preparing it with new duties and they revamping the cover letter and references took a bit longer than I thought. Mind you, I am constantly helping friends with improving their resumes so it wasn’t that I was out of practice but rather I am far more critical when it comes to my own. I have to admit I would be surprised if I did hear back about the job. I mean it is exactly what I would want to do…head of special projects at a university but I am not entirely sure I am experienced enough.

So, cross your fingers and say a little prayer…perhaps I will be called for an interview. I usually do well on those and that would at least make this process of transition seem more real.

Gourmet Palette or Temple

I eat pretty healthy for the most part but I am quite discerning about indulging in certain foods. At lunch the other day I had some leftover brussel sprouts, with just a dab of butter (real of course). My colleague said that it was nasty and how could I eat plain steamed vegetables. I said not everything I eat has to taste great in fact quite often it doesn’t taste fabulous. I eat healthy things and they aren’t all great but what do you think? Should everything you eat always taste good or is it acceptable that sometimes you are going to sacrifice a little on taste to get a healthy meal? Is your body a temple or your palette? I know where I stand.

Daydreaming at Home

So much overtime, I have today off! Hooray!!! I am staying in bed, watching foreign films and sleeping. This is a perfect do nothing day. It’s raining outside and I am snug under the covers, sipping my cup of tea happy. O, how I wish more days like this.

Reading Again

I’ve been thinking about reading, about the reading I do or don’t do as the case may be. There is just so much information available around us these days that honestly, I find it overwhelming. I love the access we have to anything. Just google it! But I really like to digest the information I read. We read a ton of magazines (especially since we get so many free now and then I get recycled ones from friends). I have over 50 waiting to be read. I like to look up information from the magazines I read that is why it takes me so long to them. Luckily, I have been getting through them a bit faster reading while on the treadmill I am able to finish at least 1.

Curious what magazines I read?
Black Enterprise
Organic Style
Natural Health
Experience Life
Conde Nast Traveler
National Geographic Traveler
Real Simple…that’s not all but enough you to get an idea.

Although, both BozoBoy and I are avid readers, for the last few years our reading of books had fallen to the wayside. I can read a book a week if I put my mind to it and I have the time. BozoBoy on the other hand can power read a book in a day. And he has gotten back into reading and is reading us out of space. We already need a new bookcase as the 4 we have now are packed. I am glad that he has gotten back into reading though. He seems much happier with this more relaxing hobby.

Every weekend I read the book section in the paper and make a list, which I add to my “Big Book List.” The big book list is a list of books I would like to read. Most are new books and I generally try to get them from the library. Pro: It doesn’t cost me a thing. Con: I have the book for only a limited amount of time. Often I am too ambitious, checking out more books than I could realistically read in a given period, but I am working on pacing myself.

Although, I know I can’t keep up with BozoBoy, I am glad this desire to read more has been ignited in me. Now if I could only make a dent in the list of 200 items I have on the list. I am a great fan of Jane Austen. I am a real romantic (sap) at heart and although I am a realist when I read I want to escape. I want to retreat into something remote and fantastic. But the older I get I find that I am more interested in reading non-fiction work. I know this stems from my desire to write a fictional memoir someday…but that is another story.

So, what are you reading?


Today just a few links to a few unique gifts, BozoBoy spotted for me. I really could use the mittens though.

Heated Bra? But I have to wonder will this really help with those high heating costs? What will they do for our male counterparts?

Heated mittens

If you have not already heard about the production of $100 computers that do not rely upon electricity to work and are being offered to help schools in developing countries, please be sure to check out the prototypes. 4 countries (Egypt, Thailand, Brazil, and Nigeria) have been selected for the first wave of computers. The countries must purchase at least 1 million but I am hoping the benefits will outweigh the cost burden.