Wanted: A Best Friend

It seems that for the last few years I have spent the odd moment contemplating my lack thereof a “best friend.” Let me start by saying, I have a best friend in my partner. I could not be more blessed by his trueness, understanding and support, and ever-lasting love. I know I am a better person because of him. We are normal though…we have our ups and downs. We argue and disagree, pout and shout but nothing so damaging or detrimental as to damage the core of our relationship. Most of the time is small pettiness that ruins the moment and I do mean moment. I rarely can stay mad for longer than 30 minutes. My heart is just never in it. I am big on talking out a problem…communicating to a better end. I will talk you to death, even in an argument.

So, why do I feel like I don’t have a best friend? Well I feel I am missing something more. A girlfriend I can hang out with, who knows me in and out, and has a grasp of what’s going on in my life. I want someone who can provide that female camaraderie that BozoBoy can’t, who knows me in a way most people don’t, who sees me on my good and bad days.

We have been married nearly 9 years, lived on both coasts and had a brief layover in the middle of the country. I have LOTS of friends. Friends I e-mail, irregularly (bad me). I would say I have friends who have at one time or another been a very close friend. Most of my friends I met at work, which has included both men and women. I get on well with both sexes.

My mother use to call me the little charmer, I was always myself in social circumstances but I guess being an extrovert but not overly so (and faking confidence I didn’t really have at the time) I put myself out to make friends. I am very good at making friends, across racial boundaries, gender, nationalities… And I would say keeping them…but I don’t put in the full effort I know I should to maintain the same level with the friends but I have dropped very few friends.

I wish I could keep up with all my friends…and I use to but now I am just so busy, and tired and there are just so many. Hey…I fall down on my wifely responsibilities more than I should and I see the man everyday. You see where I am going with this.

But I haven’t had a best friend since college. I had a best friend, in fact 2 in elementary school (who I still am in contact with – a few times a year), 2 in high school neither of whom I still have ties to), and I would say I had 1 best friend in college, although I made some last friendships…(and I keep up with them, though I had a falling out with the best friend a few years ago). But since then the well has dried up!

And dammit, I am mad and hurt. I want a girlfriend I can tell my secrets (see previous post) too. I don’t even have any secrets, but I can make some up if she comes. I need my very own buddy who offers me their opinion, is nonjudgmental but tells me the truth even when it isn’t what I want to hear. I miss this companionship, before my life and those of my friends got more complicated making it harder to have that deep meaningful relationship.

I have some wonderful friends at work and a very small circle outside locally. But socially, I have done next to nothing with friends outside of work. Shortly, after we moved in we held an open house/30th b-day party. I invited a great number of people and I think about 50-60 turned up. Since, not a single person has been over to the house…that has been nearly a year and a half. Boy, that is kinda depressing.

I bet you are tired of hearing me whine, well I have plan. Sort of, I at least know my objective:

1. To start developing lasting relationships, but more than that…I have several great friends in different states, I would consider very close, even best friends…but I am not part of their daily lives, nor are they part of mine. I want that daily friend interaction but to transcend the boundaries of work and the shifts in our lives.

2. To try to reconnect with the friends I have. Make a bigger effort to stay in their lives. I plan to divvy up the months and start with some of the friends I already keep up with throughout the year and try to e-mail them more often.

3. To consider my daily friends as potential best friends…invite them out or over or whatever…this is harder because I only have 1 close girlfriend at work. She could so be my best friend…but her life is very full right now and she has several best friends. I am sure her heart is gracious enough to engulf me too, but I just feel her life is just so rich now…I am more than happy to be her close friend. I heard somewhere it takes an average of 3 years to form a “true” friendship. I am not sure I believe this. Maybe they mean a lasting relationship. We are reaching our 3-year mark, so perhaps she and I are on the right path.

But I am getting impatient, (I’ve been thinking about this on and off for the last 5 years). We all hear how friends are critical participants in our emotional health. I am at a point in my life where I feel like I am making big decisions, redefining who I am and I want a witness, if you will. I want to form rewarding and enduring connections. To find a friendship that can grow with me as I embark on what I hope will be a rewarding time that includes children. So, I have drafted the following ad…please feel free to apply.

WANTED: A Best Friend (Not Romantic…got that covered.)
Per Merriam-Websters: “one attached to another by affection or esteem.” To go even further I am looking for someone, to chat with about nothing or everything. To shop or drive in circles or whatever moves your spirit. To support and listen and talk and talk and talk…empathize, cry and have fun. To steal quiet “girl” moments and share intimate details (e.g., talk about how panties ride up with certain tights…nothing that said spouse would be too embarrassed about me knowing).

I am prepared to reciprocate all that I have asked for and in return, I will be committed and dependable, I will care and love, give advice you solicit and even some you don’t…I will share details I shouldn’t (see previous post) but keep YOUR secrets and tell you the truth and you can call me anytime just because. I may meet you by chance or have you in my life already…I will share in your joy and pain, and distance shall be no boundary for us, and even if we argue I won’t divorce you because I will know the honeymoon is over but the best is yet to come.

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